Wednesday, September 4, 2013

I'm Not Supermom, Either

There is a blog post that is going around Facebook that I just love. It's called Moms, When Are You Going To Learn?. Click it and read it- I think every Mom needs to. It is basically saying that she is not supermom and that none of us are. That we each parent differently and that we should not criticize one another. Bravo!

It's funny because I JUST mentioned this to Jason last week after a couple of instances here. How I am sick of people judging every little thing about the way I parent (and you parent) and what you should do or shouldn't do. You can't please everyone and I certainly don't try to. And I don't pass judgment on other Moms because I realize that each person does what they feel is best for their child. Because that is what a good Mom does. End of story. I just try to be the best Mom that I can be. That's all. Cut me some slack.

While we were in the States, no one really gave me advice (or rather told me how I should parent) unless I asked. No little comments. Everyone always just complimenting me or my baby. Or if they did, it was in a very loving way. When I had questions, I would ask and got some amazing responses that I am thankful for. All was good in the world. Hakuna Matata.

Then we came to Singapore.

My first encounter was when I was doing laundry in the basement of our hotel with Olivia just a couple of days after our arrival. I was moving the clothes over to the dryer and Livi was in my arms. I was one arming it. No biggie. As we were leaving, this woman comes over to me (with her little 4ish yr. old daughter right behind her) smiling ear to ear and claps her hands and puts them out, obviously wanting to hold little Olivia. It was the first time a stranger has asked to hold her. I didn't want to fork my child over to a stranger so I politely declined, thanking her for the compliment. You would have thought that I said something horrible to her because the glare she gave me was as cold as ice. Thank God for her child because at that very moment her daughter got jealous and started to cry, not wanting her mom to hold another baby, which was my primo opportunity to slide out the door. Thank goodness because I wouldn't have known how to respond to that besides that I am sorry and that I am uncomfortable giving my child to someone I don't know. To each their own but please don't get angry with me for my decision.

The second incident happened last week. This one got me upset, MAD, hurt. I was waiting for Jason to leave work and a lady was talking to me about Livi. She was asking all sorts of questions like how old she was, was she my first, etc. then the question came (or statement rather)... You ARE breastfeeding her, right? Said just like that. I responded that no, in fact, I am not anymore. That I had until she was 6 weeks old but then I stopped. I didn't give a reason, that's all I said. And that's when she proceeded to tell me that I NEEDED to start breastfeeding right away and that it was what is best for her and that there is no excuse as to why I wasn't...yada yada yada... basically insinuating that I was a horrible mom. I tuned out after that. I was about to tell her my reasons as to why I stopped but then I thought- why do I owe her an explanation? It was our decision (because I talked to Jason about it before I stopped) and obviously it wasn't even possible anymore (my milk dried up already... hello!!) so why even waste my breathe?

Truth be told, what she said DID hurt my feelings and it made me feel like a shitty mom. And there was a pang of jealousy for all the Moms that do and can breastfeed without being in excruciating pain because that was my original, only plan. I tried to breastfeed and it just didn't work out. What she didn't know was that I ended up getting mastitis in my left breast and then went to the Dr. and was put on antibiotics. A couple of days after being off the antibiotics, I ended up getting it in my right breast and was put on antibiotics again. After those antibiotics, it started to come back to my left breast and that is when I had had enough. It was so extremely painful and at that point I was hardly producing anything anyhow. I spent hours pumping for just a couple of ounces (if that) through the pain because I do know that breast milk is the best milk. Then I had to make a decision. Do I spend hours pumping in pain and barely getting anything while supplementing the rest, or do I just feed her formula and spend quality time cuddling my baby and actually enjoying the first sweet moments with her that I could never get back? I chose the latter. But, I am very thankful for the time I DID get the chance to do it, even if it was just for a little while.

Mind you, I also chose that route because I knew that I would have to give it up anyway (or it would be nearly impossible) due to all of the traveling we were about to do (because there is no way I could do all of that pumping on a plane for 24 hours on the way to Singapore!). We made a decision as to what was important to us. And for us, formula was the best option. I am not ashamed. I'm pretty sure there are a few inventors or smart people out there with great immune systems that have Moms that lost their baby weight shortly after giving birth and that don't have breast cancer that were formula fed. Just sayin'.

Rather than make Moms (especially new Moms!) feel shitty about themselves, I don't understand why we don't lift others up and support each other and their decisions. I mean, we are all trying to do the same thing for crying out loud! Unless they are actually TRYING to harm their child, then give them your advice and call DFCS. :p


1 comment:

  1. That is the craziest thing I have ever heard!! I cannot believe some stranger tried to hold Olivia! I'm so proud of how you reacted. I don't know what I would have done in that situation. As for the other lady, she can take a hike. Good for you for not giving her an explanation because she had no right to say what she said to you in the first place. You're a strong woman, a wonderful mother and an inspiration to women everywhere. If someone makes you feel otherwise, then they are not worth your time.