My Nephew Nathan Aaron Cohen

Late Wednesday night on Jan. 27 at 11:59pm, my nephew Nathan was born! Talk about squeezing in at the last minute! He was born 8 lbs. 6 oz. at 20 1/2 inches. Such a big boy! I swear I'm not being biased but he is by far the cutest and sweetest little baby boy I've ever met!

A Woman's Week At The Gym

I thought this excerpt was quite fitting, being that Jason and I are starting to get back into a gym routine together. He has been very patient with me and has helped me immensely at the gym, despite all of my bitching. He is also nice to look at. ;)

This was passed onto me from a friend. I'm glad I'm not as sore as I was when I first started getting back on track.


A Woman's Week At The Gym

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine


Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my husband gave me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
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TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
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THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
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FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps.. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
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SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Hope you enjoyed the laugh!

Secrets

I stink at keeping secrets, but I have a pretty big one to share. If you're lucky, I just may tell you! ;)

Baby Cohen Due January 18

This is a picture of my brother Aaron and his wife Coley, who are expecting their first child on Jan. 18. I hope that he or she decides to make a grande entrance before then though, as does Coley I'm sure. Aaron and Coley decided not to find out the sex of the baby and the anticipation is killing me! Whether it be a boy or a girl, I can not wait to be an aunt! We can't wait to welcome you to the world baby C!

Little Rascals

Ok, here is a pick of my babies! Bella Mia Meatball Gremlin Dumbo Cohen is getting so big (or maybe that's just her ears)! Jack loves his sister!

Nails... Or Lack Thereof

That's right, I officially took off my nails yesterday- hopefully for good this time. I have worn fake nails on and off for the past 7 years (on for the past 3 years straight!). One of my New Years resolutions is to keep them off and grow out my real nails (no biting!) so they can be healthy again. My nail lady, Tracy, told me that she will see me in 3 weeks because she doesn't think I can do it but this time I am determined. So, goodbye pink and white and hello boy nails... for now.

Matthew Allen Pelot

This one's for you Matt:

There is a lot to know
about my dear friend Matthew Allen Pelot

One of the first things you may find
Is that Matt is always happy, pretty much all the time

He has a wonderful wife, Christina
And when together, they go by Mistina

He has two cats, Manolo and Gus
They roam around the house and rarely fuss

When he was younger, headphones in ears
He would secretly listen to rap, unbeknownst to his Mom, like all of his peers.

He works for a company, doing inventory
But that, in itself, is a whole different story

His birthday is in October, which is the best
For in Helen, we celebrate, at Oktoberfest

When he is out, he has a beer in his hand
Until, that is, he can no longer stand

He must be a true artist at heart
Helping me with the cornhole boards was just a start

He loves to follow me on nice, long hikes
And then after them, a long nap he likes

He cooks and glazes ham just like a pro
But other things in the kitchen, I just don't know

He loves to get his butt kicked while playing the Wii
His wife wins at bowling, just like me

Halloween was fun and he dressed like Ricky Bobby
Being a goofball is another one of his hobbies

He now spends time in boot camp, yes he did enroll
To try to keep his big belly under control

There is so much to say about this wonderful man
I'm sure if you've met him, you are a fan

Happy New Year- 2010!

Goodbye 2009 and welcome 2010! I can't believe the holidays are already over but I am very excited to see what this year will bring!





For New Years, Jason and I drove up to Chicago to visit his family and my friend Ashley and her brothers. It was my first time in Chicago and I loved it (minus the freezing cold weather, that is)! We had a chance to see all the touristy stuff, visit with Jason's family the first couple of days and then spent the last partying with my friends. On New Years Eve we went to a club called Lumen, where they held a 1920's New Years Eve Party where everyone dressed as flappers and gangsters. I was so excited but there was one problem- Jason couldn't get a ticket because they were sold out. I had purchased my ticket several weeks prior for $130, before I even knew Jason was going to Chicago too. They sold out of tickets only days after I purchased mine. So there we were, in Chicago wanting to spend New Years together, when Jason couldn't get into the club. I was very upset, not only because I wanted my New Years kiss from my man, but also because I felt awful that Jason would have to spend it by himself at a local bar. So there I was, in the club with my friends, texting Jason at the bar when it dawned on me that we should at least TRY to get him into the club. My friend Danielle's boyfriend, Justin, had purchased 3 tickets under his name (who were all already in the club). Our idea was that Jason should use Justin's name and see if he could get in. Jason left the bar he was at, walked in the freezing cold, and gave it a shot. When he got up to the bouncer, the bouncer told him that all the tickets had been used. Jason was dressed up like a gangster and much to our surprise, the bouncer let him in anyway! So I was drinking my rum and coke and all of a sudden I see Jason walk in with a smile on his face. I could not have been happier! He ran up to me and kissed me. I sure was one happy lady! What a wonderful way to end my year! So here's to a New Year full of love and a little bit of luck! Welcome 2010!



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