What A Beautiful Mess I'm In

It's funny to read some of my friends blogs. Most of them only write about how happy they are, what great vacations they are taking, or how great their life is. A blog, to me, is a written diary of the sorts- containing the good, the bad, and the ugly. Most probably just write about how good things are because they want to accept that their life is great, even if it isn't. Wishful thinking. Very few people actually write, express, or even talk to someone about their true feelings for fear of judgment. Not only is this not healthy, but you can only hide from the truth for so long. I am not eluding to the fact that I am not happy AT ALL, this is just merely an observation. **End Rant**

So, here's what you know:

Jason and I live across the world. Duh! If you know me, you should already know that. If not, remove me from you facebook friends list. (Just kidding!) This has been quite a ride so far- both good and bad, of course. Travel stresses, being away from family and friends, not working (yes, sometimes it can be a bad thing), getting sick from eating different food and drinking bad water, wedding planning from across the world... I think this would stress just about anyone out. I'm sure I've written about all of this from one time to another. Of course, I love Jason and my life right now and wouldn't change a thing, but people always tend to get jealous of my life without thinking of the negatives too.

Here's what you didn't know:

In addition to all of the stress that is already upon us, we have others as well.

1. My family back home is going through a tough time right now financially. Stupid economy and unemployment. I know there is nothing I can do but it still kills me. It hurts to see the ones I love go through such a tough time, especially when I'm out traveling the world.

2. The above also affects me because I am trying to plan a wedding. As you know, weddings cost money and have a stress of their own. My parents want to give us the best wedding they can but I just don't feel right taking their money when they need it the most. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish wanting to have a wedding right now but I just can't wait to marry the man I love. Talk about an inner battle.

3. It looks like Jason will be going to court with his ex-wife. Great timing, huh? Jason has done everything in his power to take care of his kids and to put his past behind us but it seems like that just isn't going to happen. So now we will have to focus on that, to bring it to a close for good. Now, time and money will have to go into that, which will cut into our wedding fund. This is probably just a blessing in disguise so we can put everything to rest, but it still sucks.

4. In addition to all of the above, in the last couple of months we have also dealt with the loss of Jason's Grandmother, me losing a best friend, moving Kaitlyn (Jason’s daughter) to his parent's house, Kaitlyn being in a terrible car accident, drama with Jason’s son and ex, getting ready for Kaitlyn’s graduation and figuring out when/where she will go to college, paying off Jason's car and wondering when we are moving to Europe.

This is how it makes me feel:

But here's what's important:

You also must realize that through all of this, I am still the luckiest girl in the world. I have the most amazing fiance, who I love dearly and who supports me now matter what. I have a family that loves me more than anything (sometimes too much). I have the best true friends that every girl needs, who are willing to talk during all hours of the day or night (due to the time difference).

With this experience that Jason and I were given, we have the chance to travel the world and experience life and cultures outside of the norm. Now that's what I call LIVING. No one said it was going to be easy and tomorrow is never promised. So no matter how low I feel at times, or how high on life I am, I am never going to take a second for granted because it can be taken away as fast as it was given.

So here's to going with the flow, taking what you are given, and being THANKFUL for all you've been BLESSED with because at the end of the day, all you need is LOVE.

" Life is the best toy someone can give you so I'm gonna play with it until it breaks."-Hawke Trackler